the good die young.

my heart hurts so fucking much.


all i can think about is how much more i could have told you so maybe in your last moments you could have changed your views. maybe we could have convinced you to force the doctors to do more. we talked about it several times but you looked so ALIVE that the possibility that one day you would not be sitting in front of me never crossed my mind. we did not know each other completely but you were definitely part of the family and now that you have been ripped from us it feels like there is a gaping hole that will never be filled.
you meant so much to us and i regret not showing it to you more or telling you that you were one of us. you knew it- i just never told it to you.
you spoke of death so often that it seems surreal that you are now on that side of life, waiting for us. you were so fucking young and so full of potential. fuck potential. everybody knew what you were capable of and you were being held back. more than anything though i hope you are where you have wanted to be for years. i hope you have found peace because you were always looking to the beyond for answers and you were always coming up empty handed. you're an angel with the rest of them and your words in your songs will live on, you beautiful bastard, you.
weekend cookouts and benders will never be the same without you and we will all feel the void.


rest in peace, brah. you were one of a kind and you will be severely missed.

driver take away my worries of today and leave tomorrow behind

just want to point out i really suck at writing in this things but anyways it is monday and i am trying to waste some time before i vanish from work to go eat cereal in my living room. on saturday i drove out the shitty nearby towns of sv and found some abandoned trailer homes and photographed the shit out of them with some friends and that was pretty cool. on the flip side i believe i might have picked up some ghosts from it all considering the dreams i had last night. also in a little over a month i will be heading back to texas yet again. after that it will be time to expand my travels to other states i have not yet been to.
there is a guy that sits on the other side of my cubicle and he yawns a lot but his yawns sound a lot like a bear roaring before it kills you. its the loudest fucking noise in the world. coming from one guy. sitting near me. and hes one of those people that completely readjusts himself when he realizes hes yawning. like suddenly he is uncomfortable in his chair and hes got to stretch and sniffle. annoying.
oh no. there is a crisis at work. time to look interested.

fuck it. buy the coke. cook the coke. cut it. know the bitch before you caught yourself lovin it.

so all is right with the world again or something. i decided i want to collect license plates and that has been the topic for the past few weeks. also i mentioned a stalker and that was the reason why i had to go private for a little while. stop fucking asking haha jokes! i’m glad someone gives a shit. no but seriously all those lifetime movies make stalkers look like a lot of fun and theres always a scene where the psycho girl is chasing the awesome girl around the house with a kitchen knife and then someone shoots the psychopath in the head and the movie ends but in my life that is not how things played out. no. instead the psycho is still alive and she just does not bother me anymore because she probably figured out i am the most boring person to stalk. speaking of boring, i am so incredibly boring oh my god i am typing this thinking wow i wish i had run someone over or something interesting to write about. so its hitlers birthday which reminds me of simon rich’s bit

as soon as my time machine was finished, i traveled back to 1890, so i could kill hitler before he was old enough to commit any of his horrible crimes. it wasn't as gratifying as i thought it would be.
-oh my god. you killed a baby.
-yes, but the baby was hitler.
-who?
-hitler. it's...complicated.
-officer? this man just killed a baby.

haha that is humorous as fuck.

we need to take a step back to appreciate what the fuck is going on

i am trying to get my shit sorted and its rather difficult when i have no idea what im actually doing but man.... some people have their shit even less sorted than me and i did not even think that was possible.
anyways. 
some people are stupid and wreck their lives because they're simply stupid.
and the truth is probably that i fit right into that category 
anyways. thats it for now. because i forgot what the fuck i was talking about and became distracted with a cheshire cat.

thats when i got up and left.

oh i have not written in a long time but there is a good reason it is because i have been without the internet and because i have been so so busy and overwhelmed with life. that is actually a funny statement because i have adopted a lifestyle that requires i only take life one minute at a time. it would make sense that everything starts piling up now. but it is okay because i knock everything down a minute at a time. some of the shit that is going on is i have a goddamned stalker. i got drunk a lot in el paso. i am back in arizona. i have become a fantastic employee. oh and that stalker is not one of those cool ones that begs to be bragged about. no it is a psychotic girl.

also i am the proud owner of some of the coolest sunglasses ever. they are sitting in front of me and i cannot stop staring at their gorgeousness. anyways if anybody wants the answer to life and happiness let me tell you what it is: taking life one minute at a time and not caring about anything or anyone. you might call it jaded but i call you stupid.