in soviet russia.

awesome times seven.

skanks and slags.

im so excited about next week. two different reasons, unrelated. suck it.
also, i miss that robot kid.


on a daily basis me n mike fight via text cus i say some snarky comment about how his unit is gay, the slags in his unit are skanks and that his job is ruining his personal life. this is all true. see, i dont have any ground to stand on in this department. half of that is cus i don't have any evidence. but i do know the fucker is a lot happier at work than at home. i wouldn't be happy either if i was married to me. all around it's a shitty situation. 


this actually comes down to some chemical imbalance in my brain n shit. 


i wish that humans would combust when they lied. 


fuckin a! universal studios is busting out the halloween horror houses. too bad ill only be there for like two days. 

oh hai derr.

hai der pt ii

i wonder what it feels like to be a hero!

rampage and fucked up dreams

i love sleep probably more than anyone. i've used it to escape reality i've used it to enhance life i've used it to recover, blahblah. motherfucking brain is on a trip or something because i have been having the most retarded dreams ever. most of them were centered around the dumb bitch mike dated before i met him. she appeared in my apartment and no matter how much i punched her, cut her or threw broken mirror pieces all over her the stupid  bitch would not leave. that really wasn't the part of the dream that annoyed me. nope. it was that stupid dream mike wasn't with me in kicking her out. he just kept enabling her to stay. 


so i woke up early as shit and was like fuck sleep.


but then mike bored me back to sleep by playing video games. and it went back to it. me n mike were at some family cookout we were having at our apartment in the ghetto and we kept walking through the security gate things through the parking lot, in circles. found out the stupid ex girlfriend was pregnant with my sister's boyfriend and she wanted mike to help her out




... basically it comes down to this. no matter how much i bitch about him, if i skank comes around i will cut her.


and also i still cant stand my other sister.


i hate dreams. i just want to fucking sleep. why is this so. fucking. difficult.

oh yeah. i am going to learn how to make resin shit (no not the melted down thc kind of resin, brandon). because i'd rather make it my damn self than ever pay 20 bucks for cheap jewelery. also i found some canvas at the store. i may start popping otc pills and scratching my skin off while i draw my drug induced shit. maybe.

yer mom.

looks like ill be going to california next week for like two days. why am i going to drive twelve hours there and twelve hours back? cus why the fuck not. i'm bored of arizona and even if it's for a stupid day it's a stupid day not spent in stupid arizona. that's fucking why.


you know whats super insane awesome? talking to old friends and they say shit like "i never thought i'd see the day when 'marilyn' mejia would settle in one spot and not be out there living to the fullest". man! thanks guy! 


now i'm ordering a bunch of shit off that site etsy.com because it's fucking adorable and i am stupid enough to pay twenty bucks for petrified cupcake sprinkled jewelery. 


oh yeah and i finally got sick of mike bugging the shit out of me every single day since the day i told him "fine, trade your truck in for a jeep" stupid mistake on my part cus then he was like no i want a bike, just kidding ill work on my truck. nevermind can i have a car i can make fast and get thirty speeding tickets from and then become a quadriplegic from some stupid racing accident? so i was like you know what fuck it. i'm in the process of letting go any life hold ups so yeah. go for it. i dont give a fuck anymore. so i went with him to go look at the piece of shit car he's looking into buying. it's a piece of shit. it is probably evidence in some unsolved murder crime but it's cheap and it's the beginning of rebuilding his dream car (rebuilding because he already built one while he was with his last slut girlfriend and then a car crashed into it and destroyed it. just like that.)
so if it seems like i've become a complete junkie and sound like i'm wasting away IT IS BECAUSE I AM.


i just responded to that friend 'i got bills now, brah. and dont have the comforts of falling back on the army if i fuck up. it's the sad truth but i grew up'. 


what. the. fuck.


anyways i was so goddamned lazy this morning i completely said f off to my alarm and probably almost inadvertently quit my job (if i was ever late for sleeping in, instead of owning up to it and working in shame, i would play it off like i did it on purpose and come into work and say i quit. peace.) and now i look like shit for it. i didn't straighten or curl my hair. it's in a side ponytail with two tiny braids. i look like a retard. 
also, i've been having the most weird fucked up dreams ever and i wake up ultra confused. the one two nights ago was awesome. i invented something. an interactive museum where the art actually physically interacts with you. it was kind of like a scary halloween house, actually. and the art was by banksy and downstairs there was an ice bar. outside there was a graveyard, but the bodies were on the outside of their graves. and they were all mannequins. 
also, i invented a psychological term. "the cain effect". i'm still trying to figure out what the fuck it means.




later gaters!

wake up let go drink down and forget.

i remember a time when traveling the world was an option and i fit in tight jeans that made boys ask how the fuck does your ass move like that. i use to buy new cell phones every week because i could. flew to california on a whim and went to universal studios to take pictures. i was on so many drugs that i vaguely remember it but: i was so fucking happy and so fucking high. i walked out of a wasteland known as iraq. i walked into a life filled with obsessive compulsive tendencies. and pills. and guys that wanted to fix me. 
i wanted to go kayaking. i wanted to learn to snowboard. i wanted to go to lake tahoe with my friends from iraq. i wanted to sky dive. i wanted to rent a hot air balloon. i wanted to learn photography. i wanted to get stationed overseas and travel my entire time there. i wanted to fall in love and then leave him. i wanted to live in oblivion and be untouchable. a wandering speck of dust. 'I wanna die like jim morrison a fucking rock star i wanna die like god on the cover of time just a blink and it's gone so baby pour some fame in my glass.' kind of thing. scratch that. i wasnt trying to be a rock star basically i just wanted to keep floating through my life. for the first time in my life i was really happy- i found what made me smile, albeit a faded smile.


this is probably gone forever. 

my nails are painted purple today and i wake up pissed off every morning because either my phone is blinking or it's not. either way is wrong. television is smut. nickelback sucks, so does kid rock. girls are sleezy and everything electronic is repulsive.
and the funniest thing about all of that is i personally dont think it unless there is an additional factor in my formula. if i am Y and he is X and right now we are  (Y+X)/(tedious repetition)=the same fucking bullshit every goddamned day then that must mean that something has got to give. i dont know what else to do but i'm going to do all of it and eventually something is going to happen and if there are pills involved, sobeit. 


when i have a bad day its usually due to one aspect in my life, a tiny bubble in a vast bubble chart. as soon as i put some distance between me and that bubble things go exactly back to normal like nothing even happened. i dont even think of it! 

nwa up in this biznitch wha?

and yeah!

im lying just to keep you here.

i decided i am in love with george eads more commonly known as nick stokes or the really hot guy from csi. basically if there was someone i was going to drop my entire life for it's gonna be this guy even though he has a retarded name. i've only met one george in my life and he turned out to be one of the most awesome guys i've ever known. i don't know if george was his real name anyways cus he was a foreigner so it was probably his given name. anyways. he contributed to that bad karma post i wrote about (see: redacted.) 
whatevs. i wish i could run into that guy again but he's stuck in a foreign country for a few years and either way i deleted the last form of communication anyways. 


so i might be dying my hair red in the next week or so. i decided the current hair situation really fucking sucks. i also decided i probably will never look good as a blonde unless i go on the cocaine diet. ill keep you posted on that.  oh yeah and if you live in california i might be seeing you guys soon. see, the skank that is my sister is currently going through some difficulties and i havent really been a part of any of my family's lives since like, that christmas my mom was going to leave my dad so we ran off to santa monica and spent christmas alone. that's when i decided holidays are fucking retarded. anyways, she got back with my dad and he continued to be the idiot he was when we were growing up. that was back in the days when he thought he was hearing voices and reading the bible.
that was around when i was like uh you guys are silly and i am not going to be involved with you, sorry!
i've matured a lot since those days and i've lost a couple people to death n whatnot. i know what it is like to have someone alive one day and the next day they aren't there anymore forever and i really just feel like i need to go to california again so with that being said I AM PLANNING ON GOING TO CALIFORNIA IF IT FUCKING KILLS ME. 


need to get ready to go eat some hibachi grill sushi stuff. catch ya on the flipside.

off my chest.

REDACTED!

it happens gradually and then suddenly you are afraid to live.

i saw that 'devil' movie by m night shyamalan and surprisingly i was not pissed off at the end. it probably wont win any awards but it was good enough to garner my recommendation. 


there was some carnival in town that we kept trying to go to but it was so fuckin busy and so fuckin hot that it really wasnt worth it. i had a pretzel today! 

have you ever tried to do something nice for someone and it backfires or they are a complete dick about it so you are like fuck this nevermind its things like that that prevent me from being a nice person and make me such a bitch. if youre curious as to why im contemptuous to others that is why. 


and


aside from my ranting about mike i havent talked shit about someone in years. i think that makes me better than a lot of people SO SUCK IT.




ps: http://www.tabblo.com/studio/stories/view_super/138200/i3724289
im bored and post secreting and saw this 'secret' and it made me ultra sad cus i use to do the same exact fuckin thing and because the presumably dad's writing is almost identical to my pop's. i am definitely homesick. 

vindictive as they make them.

imprisoned by a selfish bitch

chew me up and spit me out

i fell for this so many times

it's ridiculous

and still I stick with this

i'm sick of this but in my sickness and addiction

you're as addictive as they get

evil as they come vindictive as they make em

my friends keep asking why I can't just walk away from

i'm addicted

to the pain, the stress, the drama

i'm drowned in so I guess imma mess

cursed and blessed

check it out. today i became a published author. sort of. the past two months or so i've been cranking out documentation for a semi new program that is being sold to the us military that tracks missions. the past week has been the editing and tech reviewing of my product. today it was blessed off on and inserted in the program and i got to see my published works. if one day you stumble across the system and you see my missions which i named after my alias 'svengalo', you should feel blessed cus i fuckin wrote that shit.

my editor wrote, and i quote: 'As far as I’m concerned this document is a thing of beauty, and you can take great pride on a job well done.' 

THING OF BEAUTY. fucking right man. 

on my drive i was thinking about how awesome my life is. ive kind of weeded out the bad vibe people. i'm working with what i got. everyday i try to think of the good shit. i finally learned that for me to be 'good' i have to relearn my mantras everyday. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY. i have to do some self affirmation bullshit. tell myself that mike is alright and that even if he slips up nobody else is going to put up with my shit. that there will not be an ied on the road. that the people in korea were not real. that i am not a fuck up. 

and it works.

 

it's finally the weekend cus i am about to dip the fuck out and go "work from home". chin up kiddos. its not that bad. and stop pushing away the people that give a fuck about you cus you can bet your ass that not many people give a shit about you no matter how awesome you think you are. 

procrastination ftw

aside from having to work yesterday all in all it was a pretty awesome birthday. ended up at my favorite steak house texas roadhouse and totally went crazy ordering stuff which i did not end up eating. we ended up hitting the park and there were a bunch of carnival freaks out there and a bunch of truckers which made me think of that joyride movie and then i thought maybe i was going to get killed on my birthday but no it did not happen. i took a shit load of pictures and then i went into a coma. i think i may have overdosed on pain killers yesterday cus my mouth was tingling and i was not even drunk.


so i have been thinking about doing p90x since like august but i havent because at first i was waiting for the dvds and then the guys who were gonna send them to me did not and then i was like eh ill start it later but i did not and now i am like fuck it so i think i am going to do some pirating this weekend and download that shit and do it on my damn own. if i do end up doing it that shit better fucking work. do you know how long 90 days is? VERY FUCKING LONG.

accidentally zoomed in photo 

 big earl in his natural habitat.

 writing a secret note to the waitress

 mercury lightbulb.

 master shake graffiti. even hood rats can be awesome.

cancer 

this guy could not skate worth a shit. 

 anything looks good with black and white grainy filters.

the moon rulz.

COME ON WEEKEND.

ill smoke to that

just kidding guys


i dont have a miracle growing inside my body


i totally just checked and i totally got my awesome period today. cue the complete whole body cramps right meow.


and if you were secretly wishing that i was knocked up so i can get off my high horse
fuck you very much.

sickness of the home.

so between yesterday and today i feel totally not like myself. like my brain is either doing its own thing or doing opposite of whatever my body is doing. for example, i was driving home last night and my brain was like 'oh speed bump. let's slow down' but instead my body was like WHAT? FASTER? OKAY. and basically im all around off.


oh yeah. today's the super awesome fantastic twenty second birthday. i got to open and play with my awesome new camera last night. i still need to learn it by a lot but so far? awesome. and now i get to learn every fucking little detail of a new camera. i am like a camera whore. it is the one domain i have NO loyalty in. my first digital camera i ever bought was in 2006 when i was stationed here in arizona. i wanted to take ever lasting photos of the guys i was fucking at the time, of the ugly scenery and to just own a goddamned camera. it was all for naught because ever since then, ive had two laptop hard drives get completely wiped and an external terabyte which i paid a ridiculous amount of money for in iraq and then it decided to explode two years later, thus deleting almost all my memories from 2006-2009. shitty.
anyways. i've gone through a shit ton of cameras since 2006. i think i usually hand them off to my mom, so she usually has a pretty nice camera when i upgrade. i tend to also not give a shit how expensive a digital camera is as long as it's the best one on display that day. EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I WONT KEEP IT LONG. motherfuckers. 


so the twenty third also marks another thing which is when i am suppose to shed my stupid uterine lining and spend a shit ton of money on colorful tampons and other shit like that. anyways. im not bleeding and that pisses me off. i swear to god if i am knocked up i am going to be sopissedoff. my ovaries better have some fucking money to pay for a goddamned abortion if they are planning on being whores. cus i dont plan on quitting smoking and drinking anytime soon. GOOD THING I HAVENT BEEN A RAGING SLUT GUYS CUS THAT WOULD BE AWKWARD.


ah. glad to see my humor is still intact. 


i miss california a bit. i wanna go hang out with the parents for a while. hug their small little bodies and say smart ass comments to their concerned advice. i wanna go drive around with sarah and harass cathryn at work or wherever the hell she lives now. i wanna raid beidas closet too. when i left california i pretty much thought ILL BE BACK IN FOUR YEARS K! but nope. thats not how it goes. either way, im planning on going to visit soon. so you bitches better not be busy when i call and im like HEY. 

statistics and shittiness

one of the things that really sucks about the military and im sure society as a whole is the level of divorce rates. it sucks because some people look so happy together in the beginning and it sucks that at some point they decide I FUCKING HATE YOU SO MUCH I NO LONGER WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED TO YOU BY A LEGAL BINDING DOCUMENT. it seemed like all of my friends in the army were married or had been married or were waiting to return to the states to get divorced. i dunno. 


anyways. ive been busy all morning now with work shit but doing a hella lot of research. i love the internet for that reason alone. research. i'll always love the fuck out of the old pen and paper approach to things. and i enjoy cracking open a book and trying to commit all of it to memory. mind you, i failed throughout most of highschool. literally, failed. i failed P.E almost every semester. it's the part of being forced to learn and listen to someone that kills me. 
lately i really want to pursue a medical field future. who knows if i ever will. but, id love to help people. 
if nothing else i will go forward with my 'yoyo yoga' idea. you do yoga while yoyo'ing. also, i will be a clown performer on the weekend and do yoyo tricks for kids.


ive been eating boiled peanuts all morning. they are basically the greatest things ever. with a can of mountain dew? this guy is in heaven. 
the weather is awesome today, well it was earlier. mid 60's with some light rain. totally reminds me of the first time i took a road trip to north carolina and ate boiled peanuts. that was back in the day when my life was great. 


smell ya lata!

let me drive, let me drive, disappear in the night, like i was a ghost in your dreams

say goodbye, say goodbye, give a kiss and a sigh.

Never, never, never bring me back to your mind.

Let me slide, let me slide, roll off your mind,

like I was a movie you'd seen.

so i called that company and was totally turned off by 1. how throat cancer-y the lady sounded and 2. she was like already making plans on how i would get to virginia. before i even asked what the hell the job was. NO BITCH IM CALLING THE SHOTS HERE. anyways, i would be making a shit ton of money if the job was real. like enough to shower in a pool of money, and then eat some of it and then buy some more money and pay to punch people in the face.

as i was walking in to my apartment behind the projects, some black lady was across the pool fence and called out to me. she was like EY YOU WORK AT WALMART?! and i was like uh no. and she was like OH SNAP YOU LOOK JUST LIKE SOME GIRL THERE and i was like yea? and she laughed. and i wanted to be like, yea? is that funny? i could buy that bitch and your crack habit with my salary. hahahahahhahaah thatwasfuckingmean. what probably happened was she wanted a refund and was ready to jack me in the face but then realized oops.

supposedly my new expensive awesome birthday camera will be here tomorrow. but i dont get to open it until my birthday which is in TWO DAYS. i've had a few people text/email me saying happy birthday all premature and shit. this is the first time anybody's really acknowledged my stupid birthday in years and THEY GOT IT WRONG WAY TO SCREW IT UP EVERYBODY. it's not too late to send me express delivery presents. SEPTEMBER 23. don't be the one i pay to punch in the face when i make my first million.

so lately i've been really fucking sick. at first i thought it was something i ate cus we left some food out and i decided to eat it anyways but turns out IM STILL SICK TWO WEEKS LATER. i think maybe something is slowly exploding inside of me. it feels like corrosive acid is spewing out of it. i guess i could schedule a doc appointment but army doctors are basically the most useless of the service industry ever. it's probably a ruptured gallbladder and they would tell me its kidney failure. how sad at the age of 21 (almost 22!) my stupid body failed. i might try a detox. 

maaaaaaaybe.

last year for my birthday it was a wednesday and my army supervisors decided to make us all move furniture. until about 9 pm. i had a HUGE  stupid kidney infection. so i was keeled over basically the entire day and evening. it was happy fun time! i hope this year the birthday fairy brings me a god damn exploded appendix. 

comedy genius.

i just got an email from a company i was looking into a while ago. it's an upcoming intelligence agency but more importantly it looked like they kind of slacked off and i would get paid to go into an office and probably sleep. but the job would require me to relocate to the east coast, stay in a hotel for four months and then go to afghanistan for a couple hundred thousand bucks. fun enough. but it was right after i returned from korea and i wasn't mentally ready for that. so i stopped responding to the emails and got a different job instead.


that company just contacted me again. this was the content of that email.
'subject: Posuirtion
Good afternoon
Please call me when you have a mionute to go over some new positions that are available
Thank you'


i am pretty sure this company is indeed not legit and i would get kidnapped, kidneys stolen and thrown into a porn ring in saudi or qatar and never be heard from again. 




and i just stumbled on two humor goldmines.
mick_23

tiny things i hate.


its looking like a subways kind of day.

memorrrieeesss

remember how i said korea was the worst most horrible experience ever in the history of forever? i still think that but there were a couple things which were pretty awesome. i attribute those things to the people i was with at the time. like rhythmic dancing and worshiping a big bouncy pink ball and calling it 'the oracle' probably sounds like a lame night to anyone else but i think it was pretty fucking cool. like what is more fun than your buddy throwing 'the oracle' at someone inside the elevator and then that drunken bastard tries to kill your buddy. and then the kid no one likes is like NOO YOU SHALL NOT PASS hahahaha


and then there were the awesome trips to the ammo point to pick up lots and lots of ammo crates that were heavy as fuck so that retarded excuses for soldiers can pretend to be gi joe and go to the range. driving in korea traffic is similar to giving yourself a lobotomy with a dull piece of rusted metal. while getting fucked by a kimchi smelling asian. and then you get on the korean army base and it's all these empty long windy roads where i could haul ass in the humvee. i particularly was fond of riding without my kevlar because it made me feel like a fuckin rebel.

basically when we went to the ammo point, we would try to include only people we liked to come with us. it got me out of pt (working out in the morning) and i got to drive humvees all fast n shit. i usually got a monster or starbucks and smoked a lot of cigarettes and came up with crazy stories of what happens at the ammo point (because you cant fully trust a korean). 

theres another video i might put up here one day that almost-fully captured one of the funniest days of my life. it was a day when all the leadership at my unit was gone. the new sergeant to our shop was at the motor pool and was calling for "help" and nobody wanted to talk to him. so we chased each other around with the phone, the whole time he was on the line listening to me screaming and laughing. it was magnificent. 

back to the grind!

reasoning to cry.

so on saturday i went off roading and at night i got pretty drunk and tried to climb a fence and did not succeed. i fell a little and twisted my ankle. on sunday i went horse back riding with mike and was terrified. i decided i don't like when horses run or trot. at all. and it hurts my vagina. so that's not cool. 
anyways on the way back, we were trying to take photos of each other but my stupid phone turned into a jew so he was trying to give me his canon camera and turns out our horses hate each other so my idiot horse takes off straight into a tree and almost whacks my head off and then ran through my thorny bushes that cut my arms up and ran all the way back to the stupid stables. that's when i started crying and hyperventilating. the horse lady heard me screaming from a while away cus she kept telling me to pull the reins. too bad i probably traumatized the horse by pulling on that shit with all my strength cus i almost fell off the goddamn horse. i tried kicking it, since voice commands and rein tugging was not working out so hot. none of it worked and i was all shaking n shit when i climbed off. so horse riding bumps my fear of shit up to four: heights, roller coasters, dark, and horse riding.

bitch.

before we got separated and the equine turned deadly

apparently everyone i told my story to got the memo of how to jedi the horse into not trying to assassinate me or something. either that or they are trying to look smarter than me. too bad i am from a place where horses are something you can see at a zoo. plus they kind of remind me of cute, small dinosaurs. 


work is stressing me the fuck out. i worked on my shit most of the weekend and should've been done today but no. i stayed as late as i could and still didn't finish. there were a shit ton of people at the office today and there was this kid that used every opportunity to talk to me. too bad he was not up to my standard of people i wish to talk to cus he had stupid commentary. and a big nose. i caught the ugly big guy with the uglier side profile staring intensely at me today. i almost vomited. 


and now my next door neighbor who is also my maintenance guy wants to go horseback riding with us. he wants to bring his roommate with him. i am pretty sure his roommate is a rock star. cus he always looks like he is highly geeked out. more shit happened this weekend but my microwave keeps beeping at me. i'll write better shit one day. oh yeah if you want to read an awesome story then read this awesome story NOW.

i totally went on a POW/MIA walkathon and just about fell out. 

who's taking me in?

ugh a certain someone i live with has been pissing me off lately. it is okay because i am very skilled in the ignoring shit and pretending we're hunky dorey n shit but for the most part i want to take a skillet and upper cut him with it. yesterday i voiced an opinion about how hes been acting weird lately (probably due to flirting so much at work and then comes home and remembers he is married to a whore and has to drink a case of beers every night to go to sleep and have ptsd induced dreams) and he went off on me so i stopped talking and then he started cussing at his phone and i was like yeah exactly and he rolled his eyes at me and i was like ROLL YOUR GOD DAMNED FUCKING EYES AT ME AGAIN AND SEE WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS i totally caught myself off guard. anyways then we went shopping and fucked well not really but kind of. 
then this morning i went on some MIA/POW walkathon except it was like a jogathon. and now i am at work completely ignoring my duties. whatev i am going to have to work all weekend anyways. whats an extra two hours. FAMOUS LAST WORDS. 
that certain someone is at some "hurray you got knocked up and just had another baby to add to the population" work lunch gig or some shit it is about time my give a fuck button broke again because i am accomplishing nothing by actually giving fucks. NO FUCKS TO BE GIVEN HERE GUYS
if i wasnt completely so turned off by the people i work with i would totally be like HEY EVERYONE LETS GO TO HAVE LUNCH ALL TOGETHER out of spite. i guess thats the perks of being married to someone who has an undying requirement to fit in.

in other news.
michael jacksons voice is fucking fantastic. 

i never said hi.

so the past two days have been retarded. yesterday i decided i hate idiots. i already knew that but it was re-decided yesterday. see someone decided to go to my boss's boss's boss and run their idiot mouth about me dipping out and so when i came into work, jami asked to talk to me and she said she was disappointed in me because she really liked me and went out of her way to get me hired on because she liked my personality and then she had to hear from everyone else that i was leaving, instead of me. HER LIP QUIVERED. i totally felt like shit. so my b.b.boss asked me to call him and i did and told him i will stay until the end of the contract. the other job will be there when i am ready for it.
then i decided life is too short to sit in an office next to people who only bitch. so i moved across the building into my own office because that is what people like me do. we say FUCK THIS and acquire our own offices.


today i woke up and automatically knew i was not going to survive if i went to work. my body decided it was going to be a bastard so after being sick for half an hour, i drove to work picked up my shit and came home and curled up on my couch. dr gregory house kept me very distracted during the day.


i just made the most awesome amazing fucking great sandwich ever in the history of forever.
oatmeal bread (from the store its pretty hippie sounding but pretty fucking amazing in your mouth)
mustard on one side, mayo on the other. chicken slices. lowfat swiss cheese. piles of spinach. piles of alfalfa sprouts. a little bit of cole slaw. and a whole lot of FUCK YEAH in your mouth. when it comes to sandwiches I ROCK.


fergie came out with a new perfume and her commercial pisses me off. i think it is because i cant stand fergie probably because she looks gross and looks like if you touched her she would be sticky. and taste salty. 






seriously guys. go make that sandwich asap assoonaspossible.

here i am.

ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE.
guess what happened today i announced to my team that i was going to not be working with them in three days CHYEA! see what happened was that other finally had a slot open for immediate filling. so i decided ill quit on friday, ill take next week off as a birthday gift to myself because in case you did not know NEXT WEEK I TURN TWENTY TWO isnt that exciting? for those of you who are not as youthful as me you can take this time to remember the good ol days of when you were twenty two. OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER YOUNG ENOUGH TO NOT CARE.


so i did what i always do when something like a job offer comes around. i went shopping. i am a fucking idiot. mike ordered my birthday present today. it's the super awesome Olympus PEN E-PL1 camera. i decided i didnt want him to guess what i wanted i dont even celebrate holidays but who doesnt like gifts! and if i am getting a gift  id prefer it's something i actually want. and i want a super expensive hyped up camera.


i am now watching from paris with love. john travola was super gorgeous in his grease and saturday night fever days. then he got ugly in swordfish and then in paris with love he got fucking sexy. i think he's trying to pull off the vin diesel look but making it look a fuckload lot better. anyways, the skinny dude is carrying around a vase of yayo while travolta is kickin ass n taking names.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA he just shoveled a grip of coke up his nose and started tweaking out. 


later gater

guh.

i believe some people should not have access to public forums, news articles about shit they don't begin to understand, or probably just internet to begin with. 


so apparently that chick that got 'captured' by the iranians and got thrown into prison for espionage and blahsyblahsyblah well she got released/is in the process of getting released after a 500k bail was paid. apparently any news article with the middle east involved calls out to the most retarded people who say shit like "she should've joined the military if she wanted to hike in iraq" blahblah. or that turn it into an obama fuck fest. christ. HOW ARE THESE PEOPLE EVEN ALIVE SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME.


either way, i am curious how she ended up hiking out there. heh, of all the coutries i've been to, iraq was definitely not the one i was like OH FUCK YEA I WANNA HIKE THIS PLACE UP.


today is going to be a busy day hope i dont die from all the excitement. and mike brought me subways for breakfast so im off to a good start. kukukachoo.

ride like the wind bullseye

i have a friend who recently described me as a huge rubber band. an incredible amount of potential energy just waiting to be released. sometimes i disagree. sometimes i think this is all i am. i reached my apex, so to speak. i shone as bright as i could and it was a fun ride but i had to get off the ride a little earlier than i had anticipated. 
and sometimes i am not a fucking retard and i realize that is the stupidest shit i could possibly ever think.


FUCK NO I AM NOT DONE SHINING. fuck no this crayon has not expended all the wax in my paper coating. fuck no. theres too many people i need to meet. people i want to chase. jokes i want to laugh at. feelings. worry free. escape. it's like a little bird. it would be nice to be safe in a home, with guaranteed seeds and water. kids might even come and poke it and sometimes it can fly around the house. but the rest of the time, it's missing those telephone towers and wires it used to perch on every day. the feeling of leaving the nest at a moments notice and not having to look back. birds don't have feelings. birds feel no attachments. they just fly and glide.


and you can only stretch a rubber band so far before there's just so much tension. maybe if a little more tension is applied, it will snap. into oblivion. and be gone. and it will be broken but it will release so much fucking energy that god damn, it will be refreshing. 
because at the end of the day, the paranoia and stupid memories and the worrying and wondering is so fucking draining. i could run for days before feeling as exhausted as this. and the trade off of the pain that would be incurred, should that rubber band snap and release that beautiful energy coupled with curiosity of life and experiences, in the long term would fade away. 




you know how some people say they are a in fork in the road and they have to make a life changing decision sometimes that happens to me and i delay it a lot longer than i need to and i end up retracing my steps back from where i just came from. sometimes i just do a 180 and do something unexpected. 


later!

mehh.

i work with some of the grossest skin-crawl-inducing humans alive. thank god for google.