reminds me of johnny cash.

 tomorrow i am probably popping a pill. wait no it would make more sense to do it friday. duh. jesus christ i just spilled my guts to atty. why? because he is like the first human i ever met. i had to live like twenty stupid years of life before i met my first human. then he left me. but we still talk now and i just proved that by spilling my guts to him. i adore my history with brandon. it's one of those few memories i hold onto that i recall as a time machine. he introduced me to a different kind of high. dextromethorphan high. robot high. fucking scratch your head until you break your skull high. shaking high. yeah, so high you try to kill someone high. well accidentally on purpose kill someone with water. whatevs. i can hardly remember things from so long ago. we went to a bowling alley apparently and i required wearing a bandanna in my doped up state of mind. this caused a few problems. i don't remember much. we went back to a rapist's room and i can remember even less there. in hindsight i felt safe with b there. b got sick? or thirsty? i guess i shoved him in the shower? and poured like a gallon of water out of a tiny cup. i don't know. i believe his stomach contents were taco bell. and a fuck ton of pills.


those pills caused more grief than anything else. the highs drove me insane. the poor man's pcp. i'd itch. and itch. and itch. and then grind my teeth and walk robotically. EVERYTHING HAD TO HAVE RHYTHM. if i stopped moving i think brandon would have died. but if i could have another night of zombied out pill popping with atty again. i wouldn't think twice cus fucking A he is one of the most god damned awesome human beings in this continent. 




i just realized no photograph exists of the two of together. whatthefuck. aaaand it's nine thirty. jesus christ.