i want to live my life so that my nights are not full of regrets

a lot of people think i am a shitty person and i am probably. but that is not the point the point. checkit. today was a series of a lot of events that in my head came together and maybe even symbolized my true essence. that makes no fucking sense. this morning i needed more cigarettes so i went to the corner street for more and a zombie legion of beggars swarmed me for money. i gave the cleanest one a five. why the cleanest one? because he asked first. the woman beggar with the dog got mad at me when i told her that was my only bill and i think she told me to fuck off. so i did and left. 
this event will never happen again. i feel sorry for the next piece of shit human that begs me for money because i have a diatribe for them outlining how not to be a disreputable fuck sock. 
at work today i sat at my desk. rearranged things on my desk. read the 1970's edition of the merriam-webster dictionary. killed a spider. smoked. laughed. compared the table of contents from my lesson plans to the actual pages it linked to. and some other shit.
the other shit is where this story could potentially become interesting and disheartening for some to read. so i will not disclose it at this time and probably not until everything becomes so fucking complicated i resort to coming to my stupid blog to release all the madness. but i will say this. i may be more awesome than i previously imagined. 


i also managed to help some lady do her stupid job after lunch. i had to go get another id card because fifty is not enough. i challenge any one to an id card draw. i will always win. tomorrow will probably be lame at work because the people i know will be gone. so i should start preparing for that tonight. i never know. whateeevvverrrr. this post is retarded. i had such an interesting day, too. 
i do not think it is bad that i want to feel alive. i encourage everyone to feel alive. STOP BEING REPUBLICANS. seriously though. as far as i know i am only going to live this life once and i will never be 22 on this date again. so i think everyone should stop taking shit so seriously and start being a god damned human again. be happy for others. be happy for your fucking self. do what makes you happy. whatevah. it is probably the pills-eating-my-brains talking.