but we forgot to cock and every single shot

who the hell made you the boss?


im looking for something on my stupid myspace account, sifting through years of messages. every once in a while, i read a message that i can't recall. it's interesting. it's a fine way to poke the hippocampus i guess. like for example, this guy andy who was trying to enlist in the army at the same time i was. he was part of the circle of friends i associated with. i would say i was friends with them, but the only one i was interested in knowing was my on again-off again idiot boyfriend at the time, chris. chris and colin had both joined the army and attended basic training during the summer of our senior year. he just wanted to get his dick wet, the poor bastard. all in all, he annoyed the shit out of me until i finally left california. constantly calling me a slut, blahsyblah.


there was a while where this psychopath girl named april was messaging me constantly threatening to get me kicked out of the army because she thought her husband was fucking me. surprisingly, he wasn't. TOO BAD HE WAS ON TRIAL FOR RAPING HIS DAUGHTER. i don't know if that was true or not, but i do know he mouth raped me, so that counts for something.


i was asked a while back how im so blasé about rape n stuff. it's simple. i waste my time giving a shit about other stupid shit like why mike hasnt texted me back in the past 40 seconds. but if my next door neighbor felt me up in a garage when i was like ten, i barely give a fuck.


some guy i know, his wife keeps a blog. i read it every once in a while. a while back she wrote about how she's all suicidal n shit and depressed, whatevs. i don't even care to acknowledge super depressed people anymore. if you can't find a way to haul yourself over your past, then fucking do it. WHO HASNT BEEN IN THE SHIT? that's why god invented alcohol, duh.  anyways back to me. this idiots wife was constantly on my nuts about fucking him. one day, i decided i didnt want to be in the army anymore, so i took my ACU jacket off, threw my beret on the ground and walked to the barracks. i got screamed at. i got drunk that night at the guy's house. i can't remember his name anymore. he was former special forces. he had green eyes and he would get that crazy man stare every once in a while.
i passed out watching reservoir dogs around midnight. around two in the morning, his idiot egg headed friend who passed out on the stairs left. i passed out for like fifteen minutes and woke up and was like WAIT CAN I GET A RIDE and then i noticed this idiot had taken my pants off and was holding my hands down as he was going away at the expense of my body.
I WAS SO FUCKING PISSED.
i told him to fuck off and i forgot how i got home.  i deployed to iraq a while after that.


another time with some redneck piece of shit involved a lot of liquor and a shit ton of pills. that one, i don't remember. it's probably for the best. 


anyways. this post was stupid and veered way off track and i have leftover chinese to eat.


somedayyouwilldiesomehowandsomethingsgoingtostealyourcarbon.