if you're already there well you probably don't know

i'm feeling a little off today so if this reads a little off, blame it on that. 
tomorrow, i am suppose to work, on a saturday. also, on sunday. in order to get paid overtime (which is not more money, just more hours) i would have to work at least 45 hours on the normal time sheet charge code. anyways, since this week had a holiday, i will only have worked 32 hours on that charge code. the other 8 hours were on a different charge code. WHICH MEANS I WOULD HAVE TO WORK FIFTEEN HOURS FOR FREE BEFORE I GET FUCKING PAID FOR THAT OVERTIME. do you know how fucking aggravating that is? 
one of the reasons i left the fucking army was because i was sick of being used as cheap labor. oh, the battalion headquarters is dirty? that meant we would either work late on friday or come in during the weekend to take care of. fuck that. illegal immigrants working the fields get paid for their weekends, i will too god damnit.


and yes. i realize how ignorant that sentence sounds. blow me.


so, tomorrow is september 11. every year, i get paranoid that we're all going to die on september eleventh. if i'm driving on that day, any piece of trash on the road freaks me out. can you imagine driving on the 5 freeway during lunch, minding your own business and your car is lifted, obliterated? you see it before you feel it. maybe hear it. or if you're walking to your mailbox and you hear a loud ass whistling and you hear the cause of it. a giant ass explosion up the street, causes everything to rattle. quickly fills the air with debris, dust, depression. fucking mortars in country village? i knew we shouldn't have moved near magic mountain! 


someone recently asked me why i didnt want kids.
i don't think i need too many reasons but it turns out i have a lot of reasons. number one being i dont trust anyone else enough to split half my dna with them. i also think the whole birthing process is fucking disgusting. babies are gross. i hate the way piss, shit and vomit smells. i dont want to worry about buying anybody else birthday/christmas/etc presents. i like sleeping too much. i never want to be part of a PTA committee. i like money too much. kids say stupid shit all the time. i'm not motherly. the word motherly is gross. stretchmarks. i never want to say the words "my water broke". 
i have a shit ton more reasons.


but the idiot that asked me was like "is it because we don't live in a communist society?". NAH FOOL ITS BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU. zing! who can justify bringing a kid into this world? i think i'd feel guilty. it's selfish. i hope the next generation is a lot fucking smarter than ours.