smoke some weed, drink some wine.

i want to be forever young.
my arm is tweaking out because it is getting as frustrated as i am about this stupid system and how much it sucks. it requires so much concentration for me to do this the right way starting now and i know half of it will change in the next two weeks. either way my arm is about to explode i think.
i was thinking about stuff a little while ago. like my last day at fort hood before i went to iraq. i borrowed randys truck to pick up an army acu duffel bag from azaredo and she pissed me off so i almost kicked her in her ugly stomach and killed her unborn fetus. FREE ABORTION! but i did not because it was faster to get away from her by deploying than by going to court and prison. when i went back to say good bye to randy, he was gone to the field. then it started raining and i cried and cried in the parking lot for a while. then i went to say goodbye to ian. and i think that is when he gave me a letter? 
i chose to forget most of everything else. i drew my M16. one of my duffel bags got a small tear on the bottom from being dragged. i had a few friends see me off at the gym. i had a big headache. my mouth had never felt so dry before. i felt so sad because i didn't really have anyone there but it probably had more to do with i had no fucking idea what was going to happen to me and no one was there to never see me again. then i was not there anymore. 
when i was in korea i met a cool guy. actually i met three. only three. this is about the last one. a lot of people hated that we were friends but of those three friends i met in korea, nobody was ever happy with it. i think secretly they hated the idea of happiness
but i didn't care. i still did it. we would drive around sometimes. go nowhere. train stations, random driveways, random rice patty roads... paranoid! ill never know why people care so much! we just got along so great- and that was it. i think when people hate you so much you become so bitter and jealous about others being happy. i didnt give a fuck. IF I COULD SMILE ANY BIGGER AND LAUGH WHILE IGNORING YOU ANY MORE I WOULD. i wish i could have parties at these people's funerals. hoho.
anyways. its nice to remember things. 


of all the people who have said they were going to come to arizona the number of people who have came is zero. kelvin.


i hate this system. i have my interview on friday in the afternoon. time to pick out what i will wear!