high school wet dreams!

basically in high school i used to be a very annoying angsty girl because i dated this guy who was named chris and chris had a little problem. chris' little problem was that he was a compulsive liar. and he was always trying to get one up on me and that affected me a lot that and i was a little hormonal bitch. all of that was like a wet dream for my creative lit teacher. i do not think he liked me a lot like he gave me shit when i told him i was joining the army. i swear that guy was on drugs it was so awesome because he would play crazy tribal music and make us watch some trippy cartoons and basically all we did was write poems. and my best friend was in the class with me and so were the guys i pretty much loved. until nick did something stupid and i think he got kicked out of the class. he was so gorgeous but fucking insane. he called me one day when i was waiting in the car at the mall and was crying and saying he could not take it anymore and cutting his wrists and he wanted to see me and he kept singing that song 'mad world' from donnie darko. 
i find it kind of funny i find it kind of sad the dreams in which im dying are the best ive ever had


the madman waits for people to accept his insanity
and buys orbit gum
the madman wants to implode the world
and takes nothing for granted; it wont last long
the madman waits for a chance to dance
and buys white dresses to take showers in
the madman wants to slash away the memories 
and takes his life while youre on the phone with him
the madman waits until everybody is sleeping
and buys plastic rings
the madman wants to choke himself with satin ribbons
takes it all to the heart
the madman waits by the phone every night on a line that has been disconnected- nobody is going to call
and buys narcotics and liquor to ignore the past
the madman wants to forget what life was like
and takes a knife to life and bleeds away the regret

oxytocin enhancers!

yeah see what i mean CRY ME A FUCKING RIVER SIXTEEN YEAR OLD ESTHER hahaha it is weird because some of these things are a little more significant now than they were in 2004 like i knew i guy i met in iraq he was a pretty good friend while i was deployed and we kisses a couple of times he returned to the states before i did and there was a big party when they returned to ft hood. apparently they were all drunk and he was on the phone with his wife and she was telling him to come home it was late and his friend was fucking with him and holding a gun to his face telling him to get off and the guy pulled the trigger i guess forgetting the safety was on or there was a clip in the gun and blew his face off while he was on the phone with his fucking wife.
last thing i heard about the case was that the guy was awol and he had dipped out. 
people are so fucking stupid sometimes no all the times.