and it's gone.

last night dragged on for what i am pretty sure was forever. i could not sleep if my life depended on it. i kept thinking about the most random shit that happened like two years ago. it was, in one word, annoying. 
today's christmas eve apparently. i actually have no plans for this weekend since i never was one for celebrating holidays. ha. this one christmas, my mom decided she hated my dad. so she left him like christmas eve night and i went and we spent the night in santa monica at her old boss' house. i ate a soymilk popsicle. when the new year rolled around we lived with one of her coworkers. she smoked and had dyke-like tendencies. she gave me a gift when she found out i didnt get anything over the holidays. it was my first pair of volcom clothes. i loved them. i wasnt necessarily poor. i just had no fucking sense of what was cool or even pleasant. 
my dad had gone crazy during this time. and so this whole entire time was fucking-crazy-im-surprised-im-alive.
everything changed after that.


i dont really like holidays. i use to enjoy it for the food cus im a fat ass. but since im not really eating real food anymore there isnt even that. i guess ill smoke an extra cigarette in celebration.


yesterday we found the perfect dog. i say perfect because we both love him. he's probably far from perfect since he looks like the kind of dog that if you fall asleep on the floor he will think you are dead and fucking eat your throat. he's part boxer and i think part t-rex. they didnt know how old he was but he's definitely less than two years. but i like him. he's refined. the first two times i saw him he would do this weird anxiety dance. he would run to the gate. look around me. trot back to safety and just stare. for about half an hour.
so i said fuck it. lets take him out. YEAH. refined my ass. this motherfucker is like a speeding bullet with hulk tendencies. man handled the shit out of me and asphyxiated himself and shut down all the other dogs. i fell in love. 
if ever there has been something that could be called 'alpha male' it is this dog. named buster. he pissed on literally everything to mark territory. it was insane.
so shit is kind of falling into place except not really. i'm still hoping a stupid distraction will come into play. i miss the old charger.