lanterns and defibrillators and hope and a blue monster.

the more and longer im subjected to a group/type of people the more i can categorize them and pass them off as people/types i can not stand. the old nerds, people that think just because you are young it must mean i am irresponsible, the kind that always feel they have to justify their actions, people who do something for one maybe two days and all of a sudden they go around telling people "oh yeah, i always do __" and dont fucking realize in order for it to be a trait of yours IT HAS TO BE A HABIT. not just something you do when you remember, people who expect hand outs (ps, LIFE DOES NOT OWE YOU SHIT), people who consistently fuck up in life, those who dont see the common sense in leaving if you don't like something... if i walked into a bright yellow room, and i hated bright yellow, do you think i will stay in that room no i will not stay in that room. i will turn around and go find a room i like. that is not fucking insane. that makes sense. HOW DOES THAT NOT MAKE SENSE???
i am certain someone would be able to connect one of these to me and be all like 'oh marilyn you are a hypocrite you hypocrite bitch' but i will only laugh and tell you yeah no shit sherlock. but at least i will readily admit i am a hypocrite. i believe in God- do you hear me say goddamn all the time? fucking right i do. meh. nevermind i am venting at a lost cause. basically i am too awesome for people.


have not been able to be very productive today. as soon as i started getting in the zone to work (i even put my phone out of site so the idiot old nerds would stop talking about how i can text and mouse at the same time. fuckers.) fucking hr sends out an email that they need our resumes in the company's standard resume format. offuckingcourseyoudo. so i started working on that and of course its got all this extra bullshit in it that i have no fucking idea what the hell it all means so i am just deleting shit all over the place watch when the contract review time rolls around they are going to look at mine and say WHO THE FUCK LET A NON HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE CONVICT TRANSVESTITE WORK WITHIN OUR ELITE COMPANY? and then i will be back to being homeless.


i take comfort in having a life support. its like i go through my day and dont realize im not breathing and then i  hear you and i am like oh shit i have no oxygen but it is okay you are there to aerate me and you do and it feels so fucking good like i can think again but everything is so happy in there, in my thoughts. it's a fake life where the sun is warm and you can feel the vitamin d being produced but its not hot. fucking delusions. justwanttofeelatouch. i would give anything to feel that energy. you are so fucking BRIGHT.