"something for the pain, just to kill this feeling, although we look awake, inside we're all still sleeping. and i spent my time here alive, but barely there. do you believe we'll ever make it? do you think we'll ever really see? "
you should listen to this song, if you haven't yet. i mean you, olson!
i am mega tired right now. going to bed at like 3am every morning is not working so good.
went to starbucks and the train station ticket place this morning. let's talk about starbucks for a minute.
i was feeling spunky and went for one of their new tea flavors: the vanilla rooibos. i'm not a big tea drinker since i have no patience for mild flavored things, so for me, this is good. it's a tea latte type thing and it tastes fuckin' great. if you like subtle tasting tea, it's probably not the hotness.
my only wish is that it had a nuttier flavor. fuckk.
either way, i think it's the tops, son.
i'm thinking about conning michael into going with me to play tennis (it's kinda a two person activity). i've only played tennis a few times, and as long as i'm not playing with a complete douche that a) has a damned rules book in their pocket b) small penis., then i can have fun.
either way, it's happening before i leave this place! it saves me from having to run a few laps on a track.
i've only drank 1 bottle of water so far today. fuck.
i had a terrible dream about my bunny last night. i dreamed it was going blind because of my negligence. it was awful.
i would like to take this opportunity to say, i hope scott roeder gets raped on the daily for that shit he pulled. fuckin' hypocrite. scott roeder murders george tiller, abortion doctor. receives life sentence.
anyways, fuck that guy and fuck anti abortion activists, terrorist motherfuckerz.
on the california home front, it appears i might have to leave on 8 may, since we are trying to get a curtailment for michael to leave with me. it was initially denied but by some change in luck it's being reviewed again. either way, i will not be in california (if this all goes through) until sometime after 8 may. i will go to NC first, and then road trip across the country (again!) to california to pick up all our stuff and my car, then hit it to AZ.
which means, less drugs and chances are, i will not be returning, if only briefly, to my old ways lmao
that's okay. the point of all of this is not to become the exact person i used to be. that's impossible, anyways. no. the objective is to become happy again, and happy with being happy in a happy marriage.
at the end of the day, that cannot change without a valid reason. me trying to be esther pre-army is not a valid reason and that's just retarded. i'm elaborating far too much.
olson's girl of the day is Miss Honduras 2008
Diana Barrasa
i think that's it for now, until later tonight with the wad and whatever else is on the noggin.
peace.
First off....I am completely confused about the last paragraph about who you want to be. But as long as you are tracking that is all that matters, or maybe I need to read it when I have had more sleep.
ReplyDeleteI looked for that song and was suprised that I didn't already have it. I'll have to down load it. I have been looking for a few songs that really make you think. Know any?
Finally, the picture of the day is awesome. #1 Is she married? #2 If not, how can I marry her? #3 If yes, does she have a cute sister? #4 Are they all this pretty in Honduras? (Cause I think that I will have to go there for my terminal leave)
Okay so Blogger totally deleted my long message, or so I think. But I will try to recreate it.
ReplyDeleteYour last paraghraph about defining yourself kinda confused me, but I will caveat that by saying I am really tired.
I don't have that song, and I need to download it soon. Know any songs that make you think a lot? I could probably explain that better but I don;t know how at this point.
The picture of the day is awesome...
#1 Is she married? #2 If not, how do I contact her to express my love for her? #3 If yes, then does she have a cute sister? #4 Are all the girls in Honduras this beautiful? (Cause I need to start planning my trip there now) :)
Okay so Blogger totally deleted my long message, or so I think. But I will try to recreate it.
ReplyDeleteYour last paraghraph about defining yourself kinda confused me, but I will caveat that by saying I am really tired.
I don't have that song, and I need to download it soon. Know any songs that make you think a lot? I could probably explain that better but I don;t know how at this point.
The picture of the day is awesome...
#1 Is she married? #2 If not, how do I contact her to express my love for her? #3 If yes, then does she have a cute sister? #4 Are all the girls in Honduras this beautiful? (Cause I need to start planning my trip there now) :)
lol i hate when that happens. anyways, i'll try to explain that last paragraph a little better. if my "goal" is to just return to how i was before i came to the army (i was happier then, more playful, all around funner person) then i will not have improved. there's a few reasons why i joined the army, one of them is that lifestyle was not working for me.
ReplyDeleteso, in a way, me getting back to how i used to be is not exactly an accurate statement. i just need to find a happy "place" and while finding that happiness, i have to maintain a happy marriage.
i know plenty of songs that make me think.
rise against is my go to band. i'm biased and love them. :)
you should listen to a few of them.
*swing life away
*hero of war (you MIGHT like this one.)
*ready to fall
*paper wings
*worth dying for
*life less frightening
anyways. there's a dozen more i could recommend but those are great. kinda faster than your typical sound, i think.
i'll see if i can put in a good word for you ;)
ya know what? my mom recently asked me if i knew any single guys that would be interested in meeting some of our cousins from Honduras and willing to help them out.
i'm juuust saying.
Alright, I think I understand now. We are all looking for a healthy kind of happiness. Even at 28 I am not sure if I know how to achieve that. But I am pretty sure I know what I am missing, I need to be close to friends and family again.
ReplyDeleteRise Against, is a good band, I have a few of those songs and listen to worth dying for a lot. I will have to get the others that I don't have.
About the last comment, put in a good word for me. This peaks my interest, you will have to let me know a little more about this. ;)
Have a good day!