you were a child crawling on your knees toward it making momma so proud but your voice is too loud

lately ive been feeling more and thinking and shit. i miss the shit out of my parents. i did a bunch of stuff when i was deployed to make me feel better about pretty much leaving them because i couldnt stand being near them. now i wish i could bake them shit and hug my mom and get in stupid arguments. its probably because im surrounded by a bunch of hispanic moms. hispanic moms are different than other moms. they have a special touch that bleeds on to everyone they interact with. theyre more patient and wise. like my mom. some chicks have daddy complexes. i have a mom complex. everywhere i go i latch on to anyone that can be a mother figure. its not that i didnt have my mom (like my mom didnt have her mom) but its moreso that i feel i didnt truly enjoy her as a kid. took her for granted and when i ran off to the army, my mentality was to not look back. stupid as it may sound, so it goes. 
i dont know where i was going with that. 


another thing i recently established. i feel unfulfilled and alone because at the age of 23, im making money that i should be making in my 40s. theres not too many people my age that have the money of someone older and the responsibilities of someone younger. most of them have kids or debt. or no money. and the older demographic is boring and dont share any interests and assume im just making mistakes. 
so where to go, where to go.