somebody is slipping me drugs.

lately i have been wondering if i should reconsider my stance on having kids. i think i would be an awesome mom. the kind that i would love to have. mine was pretty cool. but whatever. anyways. i think maybe if mike had not fucked up repeatedly like he has maybe i would be more open to the idea. but it is hard to get past the disgusting process and the devastating effects on the body.
but honestly-
what other purpose do people have? maybe it is just the ennui (ha!) wearing on me. maybe it's that proverbial biological clock. maybe it is my curiosity. or maybe it is that like 95 fucking percent of the girls i know are pregnant. i really just don't know what the fuck life is suppose to be about. probably it is because i got married early. but i did all my stupid shit early on in life. and i got bored of that too. anyways i do not think i would be able to give up smoking or eating pills or my occasional bottle or two of wine. so maybe i should find a hobby instead.