i'm the best at ruining my life.

so now ive blown it once again, this would have been the last offense and you should have been here months ago  with open arms and honest face. address full doubt you've ever felt frustration well i'm choking on it now. and it's the hardest thing for me to shake. is it because of this vacancy that you swear never to believe? honestly honest me, with a look that's so deceiving. i'll bite, chew, swallow, and digest the hands that feed me. with a bayonet for a tongue, swallow words inadvertently, and to the organ flame I'll maintain a close adjacency. i have so many themes; i would love to explain to you. farewell to all the days you were, within my reach, and as of right now everything is making perfect sense.


this is probably going to be one of those posts that people are like whatthefuck. i would like to preface that i am definitely not in a right state of mind. ate some pills and drank some fancy wine and then everything went fucking crazy. like. ozzy osbourne crazy train status. in fact i have no idea what the shit just happened but it was definitely not awesome and way lame. in case anybody wanted to know, having deep conversations while fried is probably not the best idea. 
i have always loved that 'from autumn to ashes' song (im the best at ruining my life). but not until recently has it held such a personal meaning. again, might've been the drugs. 
im so glad i have this headache and i am incapable of having a clear fucking thought because i'd probably be pissed off about everything that happened today. thats what happens when you jump from one problem into another. gaybukake. ive been in some instructor class all day today and for the next two weeks. it's the most superfun times a human can ever have. the things people do for money! also, i hate public speaking. guh. i thoroughly annoyed myself today and it's like i'm doing everything in my annoying power to piss me off today. people are stupid. including me.


time to go order majah's birthday gifts!