ride like the wind bullseye

i have a friend who recently described me as a huge rubber band. an incredible amount of potential energy just waiting to be released. sometimes i disagree. sometimes i think this is all i am. i reached my apex, so to speak. i shone as bright as i could and it was a fun ride but i had to get off the ride a little earlier than i had anticipated. 
and sometimes i am not a fucking retard and i realize that is the stupidest shit i could possibly ever think.


FUCK NO I AM NOT DONE SHINING. fuck no this crayon has not expended all the wax in my paper coating. fuck no. theres too many people i need to meet. people i want to chase. jokes i want to laugh at. feelings. worry free. escape. it's like a little bird. it would be nice to be safe in a home, with guaranteed seeds and water. kids might even come and poke it and sometimes it can fly around the house. but the rest of the time, it's missing those telephone towers and wires it used to perch on every day. the feeling of leaving the nest at a moments notice and not having to look back. birds don't have feelings. birds feel no attachments. they just fly and glide.


and you can only stretch a rubber band so far before there's just so much tension. maybe if a little more tension is applied, it will snap. into oblivion. and be gone. and it will be broken but it will release so much fucking energy that god damn, it will be refreshing. 
because at the end of the day, the paranoia and stupid memories and the worrying and wondering is so fucking draining. i could run for days before feeling as exhausted as this. and the trade off of the pain that would be incurred, should that rubber band snap and release that beautiful energy coupled with curiosity of life and experiences, in the long term would fade away. 




you know how some people say they are a in fork in the road and they have to make a life changing decision sometimes that happens to me and i delay it a lot longer than i need to and i end up retracing my steps back from where i just came from. sometimes i just do a 180 and do something unexpected. 


later!