theres nothing harder to do...

everyday i learn a little bit and everyday i am able to piece things together. 
today i had an opportunity to open my eyes a little wider. 


i want to know why ugly people feel compelled to exploit sexual topics? like they try to be pseudo porn stars. how about you stick to just being normal, fucking geeks? i know this guy. he's married to some loser chick that is proud to call herself a nerd. apparently she has no self pride? she's also one of these girls that thinks people give a fuck about her sex life. too bad the idea of her being bi or even having an orgasm makes me want to eat a liver while im on PCP. she should stick to wearing neutral colors and not try so hard. oh well. that is what social hierarchy is all about. 


i got a new job today. well. i was recommended for hire at a new job today. i have to wait until the people who are sitting in my soon-to-be-my desk leave. possibly a month or so. then i'll take an army course that teaches me to be an instructor. i need this class if i want to earn more money in other jobs so thats one reason why i wanted this job. that and the fat ass paycheck. 
oh and the fact that i will travel all over the place like every month. that will solve a lot of problems for me. 


one of the best feelings ive ever felt is when someone tells me they would do anything for me and i can see it in their face that they mean it. i call that passion, you probably call it "psycho ass bitch". i like the feeling of knowing someone cares enough to cry because of something i say or do, or they would smack me up if i step out of line is not the worst thing to happen. a little jealousy shows you care if you lose that person. that makes me not want to leave. you probably think i shouldn't need that if i love someone. i thrive on having people adore me. 




once the innocence is lost its gone for good. the minute you choose to step over the barrier, you will never be able to go back. words are words are words. i leave, you leave, it goes back to nothingness. hope keeps things going and i keep going. and going. and going. until i stop and theres nothing left.




it rained today so hard when i left work that my car started floating away for a little bit. it was a little scary driving in the middle of the road because the entire sv was fucking flooding.