memories bring us back to life.

I NEED TO STOP BEING DEPRESSING ON THIS STUPID BLOG. i fear it is rubbing off on people and that is a disservice. life is meant to be awesome. you shouldnt need to be hammered drunk to have a fucking great time. it helps but why go out and think I AM GETTING SO DRUNK I FORGET THAT MY LIFE SUCKS THE LEFT ONE. i need to change this point of view i have slumped into. YOU SHOULD TOO. 
maybe for me the solution is to get away from technology. always checking my phone. always writing about how much it sucks. always trying to reach out to someone. alwaysalwaysalways. 
someone just reminded me of this time we all sat outside the barracks in an awful place, where the three of us were looked at as outcast even though i knew i was more alive than every single one of those robots and i would prove it time after time and brandon was so close to leaving but he still would refuse to say good morning and count while being forced to do push ups. 
we sat outside of the barracks. we had recently boughten vanilla wafers. and a pie crust and a lot of whipped cream. i threw vanilla wafers so brandon would catch them in his mouth and then "deesease" threw one so far it hit the gates that caged us in the army base from midnight to 0500. 
brandon watched me draw while we were sitting by a sewer grate, once, too. i was a terrible artist but i did it because i could. i had so much in my brain! brandon left and i was alone and i think i died. 
the rapist was with us the day that i drew that piece, on the sewer grate. he was there the night we lay on the concrete and the grass and stared at the sky at night. that was the night i remembered i couldn't ride a bike. i also climb on top of a blue mail box. the rapist is the least significant person to me. he tried to apologize a few days ago but he rates so low on the list of people i dont give a fuck about that i never got around to replying HAHAHA YOU STUPID CUNT TOO BAD NOBODY LIKES YOU AND EVEN YOUR MOM PROBABLY HOPES YOU DIE IN WAR YOU FUCKING BULLETCATCHER OHWAITNONEVERMIND. YOU WONT EVEN PLAY AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN AFGHANISTAN. and then i would go on about how literally everybody hates him because he has no personality and hes a fucking redneck trying so hard to fit in with the rest of the world. go back to your fucking farm in louisiana you weird bitch.


but no. i didnt say that 


i am super hungry but i told angela id go watch a movie with her and i still need to do my hair so i dont think i have time to buy subways. haha scary movie 3 is on. thats my favorite one too.