maybe i do want what we had

wine is making me feel fucking good and i have been bored for the past like three hours slowly all of my iFriends disappeared into either sleep or their own superfuntime fun whaaaaaaaaaaatev I CAN HAVE FUN ALL BY MYSELF BITCHES i have been working on this wine for a while and wathcing everybody loves raymond it seems like every episode him and wife fight and im like HEY I HAVE THE SAME FIGHTS TOO but they always solve it at the end n shit i dont ever get to that point when i get into an argument it ends in a five hour discussion and EVEYRTHING GETS BROUGHT UP and then maybe i say i am leaving and sometimes we come to a decision but most of the time there are none we just talk. talk talk talk


i was looking up some old friends from high school that i cut ties with and i realized that shitfuck i couldve had more fun before army but my parents were hussein and castro SHIT MAN 
one time i fucked this guy matt and matt had a gf named jenn that i didnt know of and then me and her became best friends in like two days and i slept at her house and we went to a bonfire in the mountains and i got insanely drunk off vodka and she was getting faded when the guyys dragged me to her car and locked me in the back while they tried to rape me i think i was drugged too cus i couldnt move my fingers to open the lock anyways she came to check on me and i lied and said i had to pee but idiot alcoholic instinct took over and i ran to the liquor so they grabbed me and threw me in the back again thats when i screamed I FUCKED MATT so she sobered up and we left to chris's house where it was discussed. i grabbed a little pocket knife and ran for my life. i hid behind a church while they drove a truck up and down the street waving a bat around screaming I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU


i called everybody that night for fucking help to come pick me up
and almost everybody
fucking
failed 
me.


finally collin answered but he was with his gf and he sent andy. andy was so desperate to fuck me he slept in the park on the grass with me and i threw up next to him and some dog ate it and woke me up. i walked a mile for a hotpocket i was still so drunk when i woke up andy left me and i climbed through nicks window and he went down on me before kicking me out to go ride his bike. finally sean came and picked me up and i invited him to breakfast.


my life was hell that week.
and then i was reborn.


drinking makes me think
it also makes me smoke. cigarette time! laterr!