this may not make sense in the morning but i dont care i just need to finish up the last bit of wine before i fall asleep and ran out of shit to do. mikes already alseep and i am too lazy to put in a new arrested development dvd. so now i am listening to the intro for the thousandth time. it reminds me of a very happy memory: iraq. i started watching AD when i was stationed at fort hood but i only had one season and i would watch it with randy. maybe one day ill write a bit on randy. he played a large role in my life in the short time he was part of my life (see: stupid mistakes.) i bought all the seasons when i was in deployed for something to do. markham got me and my roommate (his ex) a tv (and a mini fridge and other stuff) and arrested development/seinfeld was almost always on. i could not sleep if it was silent in the room. rockets and mortars and random indirect fire are not conducive to a good nights rest. but i dont trust sleeping with headphones/earplugs. so i filled my life with happy things, like funny shows. i surrounded myself with happy people. beautiful people. i lived a fake life with a fake personality which developed into charisma. id never felt so alive and happy as i did in iraq. i only watch AD when i feel alive and happy. i never want to taint the memory i have of it and for that reason, it is my favorite show.
have you ever felt alive? i think the only way you can feel alive is if you let go of your fear of dying.
have you ever let yourself feel free? felt every second pass you and still feel like time is moving too fast? like you just want to hold on to every fucking second that passes.
it's a scary feeling. it's the most beautiful thing you can ever experience. and everybody you meet is the most interesting person in the world. bad days do not last. dreams become reality because in your dreams you can escape. that's your second life and you get to choose what happens, not somebody else. it's all about letting go and just existing and finding a purpose to even bother. it's not just being alive. it is feeling alive and if you ask anybody you know chances are they have never felt a thing.
i made a wanted sign for rosie o donnel
i love arrested development
i love arbor mist exotic fruit blend
i love ramen noodles
i love sriracha hot sauce
i love you.
i love when we pretend like we might be together.
i love bonnie and clyde.
=]
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